Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!