Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.