This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.