Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?