Me. At least after what I've been through.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I need moral support for this bender
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I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment