I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
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I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.