He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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