Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i came on her dog
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.