Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
