So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
