so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
