Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
