well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize