Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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