I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
