You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
