I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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