hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
