I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
