I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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