for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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