if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
