I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
