have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
