my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
