I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
