I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
