I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
