When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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