don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
