i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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