Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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