I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
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At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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