I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
