My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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