Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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