i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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