In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
