Umm I'm too high to move.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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