last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
