i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
