why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
