I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
