the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
