You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
