sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
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Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
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I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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