you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
