She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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