She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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