I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
