WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
