In America we eat man semen.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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