ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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