I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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