Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
