suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
