i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
