We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
