you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
