Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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