Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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