Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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