For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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