did you get engaged???
420 ftw
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
