Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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