Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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