There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
