Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
